FLAME (Spark Series) Read online

  “Try me! C’mon, you pussies!”

  Julia lines the bar with three shot glasses and pours tequila in a line, filling them all. “Alright, who’s first?”

  “Okay, I’ll start,” Kenna says, grabbing our attention. “I’ve never…kissed a girl.”

  Julia’s mouth drops open and I laugh, grabbing for my shot glass. “Cheers!” I clink my glass with Julia’s and shoot it down. Julia is still staring at me. “C’mon! Go!”

  “That was a low blow, Kenna!”

  Kenna and I both laugh as she reluctantly takes the shot.

  “It wasn’t even consensual,” she mutters, slamming the shot glass back down.

  “Quit your whining. I know you liked it. I felt tongue,” I tease. Her face turns beet red as she rolls her eyes at me.

  “Okay, Riss, you go!” Kenna yells as Julia fills our shots back up.

  “Oh god, this is gonna be hard.” I smirk. “Okay…I never had a boyfriend! Cheers bitches! Drink up!”

  “Alright…this means war! You’ve gotten me twice, now it’s my turn!” Julia shouts, slamming her shot glass down for the second time. “I never fucked a guy after just meeting him!”

  I shrug unapologetically and take my shot. Julia fills my glass back up as Kenna takes her turn. “I never fucked a guy without knowing his name!” She looks right at me, nodding to my glass.

  “You girls just sound like a bunch of losers,” I spit out, laughing as I take my third shot.

  “Alright, Riss. Give us your best!” Julia cheers, feeling confident.

  “Alright, you virgins.” I slam a fist on the bar, making the glasses rattle. “I never say no to sex!” I raise my arm in victory, knowing I totally have them both. I laugh hysterically at them as they both wince from taking another shot. “That’s right, you little bitches. Sex wins!”

  “I never had sex in a hot tub!” Julia screams.

  “I never had sex in the BACK OFFICE!” Kenna screams after Julia.

  “Oh, I have another.” Julia refills all the shot glasses. “I never had sex in a car, a boat, and some stranger’s cottage…all in one night!” She shoots me a look and nods down to my filled shot. “Drink up, s-lut!”

  “You girls really are a bunch of bitches.” I slam my shot down my throat, the taste no longer apparent.

  We continue giggling for the next hour as we enjoy the buzz. We stop drinking just long enough so we can drive home later. It’s well after 5AM before we call it a night.

  “Drive safe, dammit. I’m not bailing your asses out of jail.” I point a finger at them, pretending to be strict.

  “You’re the one who should be careful. Make sure you don’t slip and fall on any random penises before you get home,” Julia snorts as she walks to her car.

  “I’d be horny too, stuck-up snobs, if I wasn’t getting any!” I stick my tongue out at her.

  I wave goodbye to them before unlocking my car. I realize my eyes are tired, and I can barely hold them open. I’m usually good at holding my alcohol, but just in case, I release the seat so it falls all the way back.

  I let the car run for a half hour, filling the car with heat. I close my eyes, letting my body sink into the seat. I’ll just nap for a couple minutes.

  A loud tap on the window jerks me forward. I scream as I see someone staring down at me. I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and realize it’s Drew. What the hell?

  I roll my window down and immediately start yelling at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I shall ask you the same thing, Doll. It’s almost sunrise. What are you doing in your car this late?”

  “I was sleeping off the alcohol, thank you. What, are you stalking me outside the bar now?”

  “I was out running when I saw your car. I just wanted to check and make sure you’re okay.”

  Ugh…he looks amazing in a sleeveless shirt and Nike shorts. His hair is messy, like he just rolled out of bed. And his eyes…ahh those stunning, genuine blue eyes.

  “Aren’t you cold?”

  “I am now that I stopped running.” He grins.

  “Do you want to come in?” I ask, although I’m not sure why. “I mean, to warm up before you run back to campus.”

  He smiles wide before answering, “Sure.”

  I unlock the door and let him in. He grabs my hands in his and holds them. I look awkwardly at him, wondering what the hell he’s doing.

  “My hands are cold,” is all he says as he links our fingers together. I try to hide the smirk on my face as I enjoy the feel of his hands on me again.

  “So, are you going to tell me why you kicked me out yesterday morning? Or is it just something you do?”

  “Well, you don’t live there for starters, so you had to go at some point.”

  He chuckles lightly. “Yes, I know. But typically, girls want to make plans again—like arranging another night, exchanging numbers?”

  “I’m not those girls. I thought you knew that,” I respond bluntly.

  “I do.”

  “So what’s the problem?” I daringly look him in the eyes, amusement written all over his face.

  “I want more. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. I don’t want goodbye. And I don’t want to think that last night was the last time ever,” he says sincerely, and it nearly breaks my heart. I knew I shouldn’t have given him more than one night. Or control. Fuck me. Never. Give. Up. Control.

  And then I let him come inside me? Good god. No wonder he’s like a lost puppy.

  But he isn’t. He’s the fucking sexiest man I’ve ever met. He makes me want more and that scares the living shit out of me.

  “Drew…look,” I begin, looking back and forth from our hands to his eyes.

  “I get it,” he interrupts. “You don’t have to give me a sob story. I just wanted to put my offer out there for you, in case you change your mind.” He brings our hands to his lips and kisses them tenderly. “I hope to see you around,” is the last thing he says before yanking the handle open and exiting the car.

  I watch as he begins running on the sidewalk. I watch until I can no longer see him. And I watch the sunrise, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake ever by letting him walk away.

  11

  “What’s wrong with you?” Velaney asks, sitting on my bed. The covers are over my head, keeping the daylight out.

  “Go away,” I mutter.

  “You’ve been in this bed for almost two weeks. Something’s wrong.” I feel her rubbing my head. I groan, hating that I’ve become this girl.

  Yes…this girl.

  The one who hides away in her room, moping and crying over a guy. A GUY! I don’t cry over guys. So why the hell have I been feeling like absolute shit since the moment I watched Drew run away?

  Every night at work, I keep hoping I’ll see him walk in. I dream about his deep blue eyes and abs of steel. I have his voice embedded in my brain, so every time a customer calls my name, I hope it’s Drew’s. But it hasn’t been. He hasn’t come back in. He hasn’t called.

  I can’t blame him for that, though. I pushed him away, told him I couldn’t offer him any more than just sex. So why is this so hard on me?

  “Carissa Mae!” She whips the comforter off my bed. “You’ve had Wrecking Ball on repeat and your nose has been stuck in your Kindle all week! I know you better than anyone to know something is wrong with you,” she scolds. “And I’m pretty sure if I hear Miley sing one more time, I’m going to throw shoes at your stereo!”

  “Cover me up! I’m cold,” I whine, pulling myself into the fetal position.

  “Hey, what is it you’re always tell me when I’m down?” she asks with amusement. “Oh right. Shopping! Get up!”

  “I hate you right now,” I murmur as she drags me up.

  “I love you, too.” She smirks. “Now go shower. You smell.”

  An hour and a half later, I’m dressed, primped and ready to go. Velaney acts all giddy and wraps her arms around me as I walk in.

  “Hot stuff! See
? I knew Carissa was under there somewhere.”

  “So where are you taking me?”

  “The girls and I are taking you dancing.” She smiles wide, proud that she’s the one mothering me for the first time.

  “Dancing? What happened to shopping?”

  “Okay…well, one, I don’t shop. And two, it’s after nine, which means the mall is closed. So dancing it is.”

  Julia and Kenna greet us in the parking lot, dolled up in their dancing outfits.

  “Well…well…well…” Kenna says as we walk over to her.

  “Look what the cat dragged out,” Julia finishes for her.

  “Prepare to get really drunk, sluts.” I walk past them, getting in the car. I hear them laugh as they get in the car after me.

  Julia drives us to some nightclub. I can feel the vibrations of the music before we even park. I haven’t told the girls what’s wrong with me, but I have a feeling they know. Or at least know the gist of it. And I’m sure they think this is the perfect treatment for me. I so wish it was that easy…

  We get in without a problem. The club is dark with stupid bright lights flashing everywhere. It’s enough to give me a seizure, but I suck it up for the girls’ sake.

  “I’m heading to the bar,” I announce as we stroll in. They all follow behind me, as eager to start drinking as I am.

  I order us four cherry bombs and four beers. If I’m going to get through this night, I need to start out with a buzz.

  “Alright, ladies!” Julia cheers. “Hold ‘em up.” We do as she says as she clinks our glasses together yelling, “Here’s to a badass girls’ night!”

  Velaney’s not much of a drinker, so I steal her shot and down it after mine. “Shit, that’s good.”

  We grab our beers off the bar and head to the dance floor. Rihanna’s S&M blasts through the speakers as we find a center spot on the dance floor. It’s crowded, shoulder-to-shoulder, but I don’t care. I need to let loose. I need to get my mind back on track.

  The girls and I dance through several songs. Kenna and Velaney partner up and walk back to the bar for another drink. I let my hands freely roam my body and close my eyes as Julia and I dance together.

  “Does Winston know you’re here?” I yell in her ear. I’ve been watching her eye men all night.

  “No! And he doesn’t need to know!” she yells back.

  I laugh at her expression. “Ah, naughty girl!” She brings a finger to her mouth in a secret shush motion. I continue laughing with her as a set of hands suddenly comes around my waist.

  I look over my shoulder to see a brown-haired, brown-eyed beauty. I look back at Julia and shrug in a “He’ll do” motion.

  I let him grind against my ass for the next couple of songs. He whispers in my ear a few times telling me how beautiful I am, how sexy I look, and how tight my ass is. I continue grinding against him, thanking him for the compliments. He finally spins me around, giving me a much better view of his face. He’s cute. Really cute. I can work with this.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and dance to the rhythm of the song. His hands roam up and down my sides, grasping my ass and breasts as he makes his way up and down. Usually I’m into it when a guy gets grabby, especially in public, but tonight I just can’t get into it.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, whispering close to my ear. His lips grab my earlobe, and he nips it quickly before bringing his head back to face me.

  “It’s nothing,” I shout over the music. “I need a drink. You wanna grab one with me?”

  He nods as he grabs my hand and walks us toward the bar. It’s crowded, but I make my way through. Velaney is still up at the bar sucking down a soda.

  “I’ll take a rum and coke!” I shout to the bartender. Grabby-hands behind me yells his order next.

  “Thank you,” I say as he pays for my drink and hands me the glass.

  “My pleasure,” he responds sincerely. Ugh…damn. And he’s a gentleman? Guys like him usually turn me on. It means they’re good in bed because all they care about is pleasing the woman. However, I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut just being around this guy.

  I can’t think straight at all. My mind keeps wandering back to Drew, and I hate it. I hate that he’s clogging up my mind when I should easily be able to bring this guy home with me for the night. He’s decent looking, nice physique, great hair—yet I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about fucking him.

  I suck down my drink, hardly glancing his way. I know I’m being a complete bitch, ignoring him, but I have to think of something. Quick.

  I need to kiss him. That’ll get Drew out of my head—kiss him and my body will totally be on board.

  I slam my glass down on the bar and wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me in close to him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I pull his mouth to mine, crashing our lips together. I don’t waste any time massaging my tongue with his. It’s greedy and desperate. He’s an amazing kisser. He tastes amazing, too. His hands roam up my back, forcing our bodies so close I can feel his erection against my stomach. Usually, that’s all I need for me to know I’m taking him home, but yet the thought sickens me.

  I gasp as I break the kiss, pushing back from him. His mouth is swollen and his face is flushed, but I can tell he’s confused with my sudden attack on his lips.

  “Sorry,” I mutter, readjusting my shirt.

  “Don’t be sorry—”

  “Carissa,” I fill in for him. We never bothered to exchange names.

  “I’m Ian,” he says, filling the silence. I stare right past him where I see the exit. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be kissing Ian. This never bothered me before! I should be able to kiss him without feeling guilt.

  But I can’t.

  Kissing him was torture. Although it felt nice, it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t right.

  “Sorry, I have to go,” I spit out quickly. I run toward Velaney and tell her we have to go. I run past her and head out the door. As soon as the cool air hits me, I throw up against the building. I know it can’t be the alcohol—I barely drank anything. It’s because I feel as if I’ve betrayed Drew. The thought itself makes me sick.

  * * *

  I wake up the next day feeling worse than I have the previous two weeks. I didn’t tell the girls why I bailed all of a sudden, but I think they knew anyway. The ride was silent, and when we arrived home, I didn’t say a word to Laney before collapsing on my bed.

  I get in the shower and think of a plan. I want to see Drew again. I need to see him again. But I don’t want to come off as desperate. But at this point, do I really have any other options? Obviously, I’m drawn to him and need to see him again. I want him in my life, but just the mere thought of it scares me to death. I’ve never needed a guy before. I’ve never wanted a guy for more than sex before. This is all foreign to me, but I know I have to go for it.

  I look up the university’s football schedule and decide to go to one of his games. There’s one tonight, so I get Julia to cover my shift. I’m not sure what my plan is, but I know I need to see him again.

  I arrive at the field just after kickoff. Once I sit down and take a good look around, I notice it’s their homecoming weekend. Just great.

  I look through the program to find his jersey number—#69. How fitting.

  He’s on the field for most of the game. He’s actually very good. I learn he’s on the receiving side, so I cringe every time he gets tackled. The crowd is loud and obnoxious, and I can’t help the rage of jealousy that floods over me as I hear some college girls cheer for Drew.

  I snap my head toward them and see them wearing jersey’s that mimic his. They’re all giggly and dancing in the stands. Fuck, I’m glad I was never a college chick.

  This feeling of jealousy is annoying. I’m never jealous over a guy. I don’t take reign over men. Therefore, I have nothing to be jealous about. However, with Drew, I have a whole shitload of foreign feelings.

  It’s finally halftime, and as the players go to their lock
er rooms, a mob of cheerleaders take over the field. They dance a couple numbers and cheer for their team. Next, the coach walks to the middle of the field, welcoming everyone to the homecoming game. The football team walks back out in nice dressy clothes holding flowers.

  I spot him right away looking delicious in a blue button up and tan pants. It’s tight and shows off his muscular build. He’s wearing a black, silk tie with matching black shoes.

  God…he looks good enough to eat.

  Each football player is announced by name and jersey number. Waves of screams flood the stands as Drew is mentioned. It’s obvious he’s a favorite on the team. Of course, it’s easy to see why. On top of his good looks, he’s a complete charmer. I wouldn’t doubt it if the whole school was smitten with him.

  Drew gets extra attention for being one of two foreign exchange students on the team. The coach makes him and the other student step forward, and the crowd goes nuts…again. I lean forward, getting a better view of him. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I start to curse myself for ever letting him out of my bed.

  The coach asks both of them to talk a little about their experience here so far. The other guy, Julius, goes first. He speaks about his family back in France and his experience in the states so far. He explains how the scholarship to Boston University was a once in a lifetime chance for him, and how he’s so honored to have been chosen out of three thousand applicants.

  Shit…three thousand? I never even bothered to ask Drew how he got into the program. I push my way through the crowd, wanting to get closer to the field. Julius hands the microphone to Drew, and I intently watch him as he begins speaking.

  I’m ready to die by the time he finishes. He speaks of his family—single mom with three kids. He’s the oldest and was always the ‘man of the house.’ He spoke about how he took care of his family as soon as he was old enough to work. All his money went toward paying bills and supporting his two younger siblings. He said the only time his mother made him stop working was during rugby season. She knew it made him happy and she wanted him to have that. And although he was more than willing to work, she insisted. He played rugby all through high school and maintained a 4.0 GPA because he knew his mother would never be able to afford his tuition.