FLAME (Spark Series) Read online

  18

  For the first time in a long time, I feel vulnerable. I want to open myself up to Drew, let him in completely without thinking of the aftermath that I’ll be left with.

  I knock on his door, anticipating seeing him again after a week. I’m nervous and jittery, but I need to do this.

  “Stripper! Stripper’s here!” The guy who opens the door screams out. He’s holding a beer bottle in one hand and barely able to stand straight. “She’s hot, too!” he slurs.

  “Dude! Who hired a stripper?” Another guy stumbles to the door, smirking like a fool.

  “Yeah…” I linger. “I am not a stripper. I’m here to see Drew,” I explain, but they’re obviously ignoring me as they continue undressing me with their eyes. “Is he here?”

  They continue drooling, so I barge through them. I’ll find Drew myself, then.

  The house reeks of alcohol, and I can tell they’re having some kind of frat party. It’s only six in the evening, but I guess I can’t put anything past a frat house.

  “Drew! Dude, a stripper is here for you!” The same guy who answered the door yells out.

  “I’m not a stripper!” I call out, rounding the living room to where Drew is sitting in a chair, bound by ropes. “Oh my god,” I shriek.

  “Don’t worry, baby. He likes it rough.” Another guy teases, elbowing me as he passes by.

  “Drew? Are you okay?” I ask approaching him.

  I see the amusement on his face, but he’s not nearly as drunk as the others. “I’m fine, Doll.” His eyes light up as I come face to face with him. “This is their idea of some kind of going away party.” He laughs.

  “By tying you to a chair?” I ask confused.

  He shrugs nonchalantly. “They’re fucking nuts. And pissed.”

  Wasted…of course.

  I back away slightly. “I’m sorry. I-I should’ve called,” I stammer. Sadness overcomes me. I’m not sure what I expected when I saw him again, but this definitely wasn’t it.

  “Carissa, don’t leave!” he calls out as I walk to the door. “Someone untie me!” I hear him shout.

  What was I thinking? That he’d be moping around all sad and depressed like I had been? That’s fucking crazy. I’m fucking crazy…

  I reach my car just as Drew swings me around to face him. I don’t know what to say. I feel desperate, vulnerable, and so not in control of my own emotions.

  I let him back me up against the car. Without saying a word, he leans in and grabs my face. Our mouths collide, and he places eager, needy kisses all over me. My arms wrap around him as I pull him in closer. It really amazes me how much I missed him and his touch.

  He breaks the kiss abruptly, leaving us both panting.

  “Are you done leaving me, Doll?” he growls deeply, resting his forehead on mine, our heavy panting filling the space between us.

  I nod, staying silent.

  “We need to talk. I need to explain those letters.”

  “No, you don’t owe me any explanation. They were yours, and I invaded your privacy. What you did before you met me is none of my business. I don’t know what came over me that I even read them.”

  He responds as if he didn’t even hear me.

  “Okay, yes. I loved Sarah. She was my high school sweetheart. She told me she would wait for me, but I never asked her to. I left London to start fresh and start a new life in America. I didn’t date much in college, it wasn’t until I met you that I felt something for someone else, which completely took me by surprise. It was entirely new to me, but I knew I wanted to explore it. And I’m so fucking glad I did, because it made me realize what we have is so much better. So real. So much more important, and absolutely worth fighting for. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. And so now I’m here, begging for you to give us another chance, because I don’t think I can take losing you again.”

  I just stare at him in awe, unsure of what to say. His face looks so pained and desperate.

  “I never wrote her back. I read them and kept them, thinking maybe once I got home I would know what I wanted, but since meeting you, I haven’t opened a single one. She sends them every few weeks, and I’ve been placing them in my desk. I swear, I never thought of you as some sort of filler. You’ve never been any kind of a filler for me. You’ve been everything.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say breathily. “I’m not any good at this. I’m not good at letting people in and trusting them,” I admit.

  “The first step to trusting is to forgive. You need to allow yourself to forgive your parents. Forgive yourself for all your past regrets. Forgive so you can move on. I can help you trust—trust yourself, trust others,” he pauses briefly, “…if you’ll let me.”

  I look up at him, smiling as we lock eye contact. “Are you using your Dr. Phil skills on me again?”

  He shrugs casually. “I’m not all looks and muscle, you know?”

  “Oh, really? That’s good to know.” I smile and bring my lips to him once more. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you leave. No more walls. No more barriers. I want as much of you as I can get.”

  “Good…because I was about to go extreme creepy stalker guy on your arse.” I laugh, loving that our playful banter is back.

  “So…I guess you should get back to your…farewell party?”

  “Ha! Are you kidding? They just wanted an excuse to have a party and get pissed… uh, I mean, drunk.”

  “So what do you want to do?” I ask, placing a finger on his shirt and sliding it down. He looks down as his eyes follow my path.

  “We…um…could…go back to your flat?” he stutters, his breath hitching.

  “I very much like that idea.” I grin.

  We casually talk on the way to my apartment. It’s simple, yet intimate as we hold hands the entire ride. It’s sweet and very different to what I’m used to, yet I find myself enjoying the simplicity of it.

  Drew kisses me the entire way as we walk to my apartment, making us trip and stumble over each other. I hear someone clearing their throat. I quickly look and see Collins with a knowing smirk on his face.

  “Oh my god,” I squeal, looking away from Collins. “You’re going to make me fall on my ass.”

  “And I’ll gladly catch that fine arse of yours.”

  “How you do manage to make everything sound dirty?”

  “I guess it’s one of my talents.” We both giggle as I finally get the apartment door open. It’s not long before we’re kicking shoes and pulling clothes off. It’s easy with Drew. I feel instant chemistry with him, and although the last time we were together I felt insecure and vulnerable, being with him again is easy. Surprisingly, I don’t feel any embarrassment or shame like I thought I would.

  “Where are we going?” I ask as he leads me past my bed.

  “Shower,” he mumbles without letting go.

  He turns the handle, waiting for the hot water before grabbing me and walking us both in. His mouth explores my lips, neck, and ear. I don’t hold back the moans my throat releases as my body quivers under his touch.

  “I want to try something. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes, I do,” I reply confidently.

  “Don’t move,” he orders, backing away. He walks out, giving me no indication of what he’s doing.

  I close my eyes as I wait for him, letting the water cascade over my body. I hear him return, but keep my eyes shut. I just want to feel him.

  “Open your legs for me,” he commands. I spread them apart, bracing myself on him. “Keep your hands up. No touching.”

  “What? How—”

  “Just trust me.” His voice is soft, but demanding. I can do this. I trust him…

  I raise my hands above my head, keeping my legs spread open. I’m completely exposed and vulnerable, yet I feel safe with Drew.

  I’m surprised when I hear the buzzing of my vibrator. Lily. I want to ask him what he’s doing, but I don’t. Trust. I’m working on trust.

  I feel him
kneel down in front of me, tracing up one leg with Lily. He softly, just barely brushes her over my pussy before tracing her down my other leg.

  The vibrations feel incredible with the water pouring down on me. He’s lucky it’s a waterproof vibrator, because this…I could really start to enjoy.

  I feel him stand back up, his lips to my ear. “Turn around.”

  I spin myself around slowly, facing the wall. I plant my hands on the tile and keep my eyes closed. I enjoy feeling his touch and not knowing what he’s going to do next, yet I feel like I’m on a stake-out, ready to attack if necessary.

  He’s close behind me. I can feel his hard cock pressing against my back. I want him so bad, but I fight the urge to turn back around and stroke him.

  He feathers the vibrator down my spine slowly, letting the vibrations ride over me. He moves it down to my ass and begins putting pressure against me, making me tense up.

  “Trust me,” he whispers in my ear. “I won’t hurt you.”

  I relax and let him continue his playful torture. He continues pressing the vibrator against me, making the pressure more intense on his way down my legs.

  I know he wants me to let him take control and trust him, but I’m fighting the urge to turn around and demand he fuck me six ways to Sunday. I do not give complete control over ever.

  I breathe slow breaths in and out, coaching myself that I can do this. I don’t mind giving him the control he’s demanding, but it’s hard to resist taking some of it back.

  “Good girl,” he whispers as he makes his way back up my body. “Let me control your pleasure. You don’t control it. I do,” he growls. “You can come only when I say.”

  I nod in response. I clear my head so I don’t overthink this. I’ve never let someone else control my pleasure before. Sex is the one thing I’m good at. Pleasure is the one thing I demand in bed. When I want pleasure, I take it.

  However, Drew isn’t allowing me to control any of it. He’s giving me whatever he believes I need.

  I feel him kneel behind me. His hand follows up my leg, making its way to my pussy. I’m dripping wet with desire, and I’m fighting every urge to beg him to release me.

  He slips in a finger, finally giving me some relief. His other hand is still holding the vibrator, and together, his finger and Lily rub over my clit and my piercing, making it very hard to continue standing.

  “Oh yes…” I moan. My hands are planted firmly against the tile, my legs spread wide open. It’s hard waiting for him to give me permission, but the anticipation itself is making me hotter than ever before.

  He doesn’t go in deep, just barely rubbing over my pussy so I can’t orgasm. It’s driving me insane, but I ride it out until he finally stops.

  “That’s my girl,” he growls. “Trust me. Let me take control. You’ll enjoy it so much more,” he promises. I nod, giving in to his demands. He sets Lily down and wraps his hands around my waist as one hand cups my breast and the other hand goes down to my pussy again. The sensation of him rubbing my clit and rolling my nipple in between his fingers has me on fire. The intensity is enough to make my body collapse into him, but I focus on my hands. My hands are holding me steady, so I give in to the pleasure he’s giving me.

  I pant against him, savoring his touch. I close my eyes as I let my body enjoy him. It’s new and refreshing not being in control, but I still feel the anxiety from letting go. Letting myself give in to his demands.

  I lower my hand down to reach his, but he aggressively pushes it back in place. “Keep your hands up,” he reminds.

  I brace myself for an orgasm as I’m getting close, but it never comes. He gets me to the point where I’m ready to explode just before pulling his fingers out.

  “Drew…please…” I plead, urgently needing my release.

  “Shhh…I’m taking you into the bedroom now.” I hear him exit the shower and watch as he returns with a towel. He scoops me up, making me tense up at his sudden movements.

  Once he lays me down, he dries me off and positions me how he wants—my arms above my head, clenching the bedrail with my legs spread apart. I close my eyes, giving in to him. I’m surprised how easy and right it feels to give everything to him. I want him to always be around…to always have me… and for me to always have him.

  I hear him wrestling in the drawer, and I know I’m in for something. He blindfolds me, not that it matters much since my eyes are already sealed shut. I don’t want to see him. I just want to feel him.

  “You’re doing great, Doll. I’ll be right back. I have to look for something quick.”

  I nod in response. He kisses me gently on the cheek before the bed dips and he’s gone.

  I feel my anxiety creeping up on me. This is entirely new to me. I’m spread naked on a bed. I can’t see. And I have no idea what he’s up to.

  I try to focus on my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. I relax more, allowing my arms and legs to rest on the bed just like he left me.

  About five minutes pass before I hear him again. I can’t imagine what the hell he went looking for, but I’m anxious to know what he’s got planned next.

  “Good girl. You didn’t move,” he says. I can tell he’s leaning over the bed and looking at me. “You look fucking beautiful like this.”

  I feel him straddle me. His bare legs brush my waist as he moves around.

  “Doll, I need you to trust me. What I’m about to do might be painful, but you cannot move. Do you understand?”

  My breath hitches. “Yes.”

  I tense up slightly, bracing myself for whatever he’s about to do.

  “If at anytime it’s too much for you, I want you to have a safe word.”

  I gasp loudly. I’m ready to push him off me and ask what the hell he’s thinking. But I don’t. I even my breathing once more and relax.

  “Tell me your safe word,” he demands.

  “Flame,” is the first word that comes to mind.

  “Perfect.”

  I feel pinches on my skin suddenly, making me gasp.

  “These are just clothespins, Doll. They won’t hurt you.”

  He pins them to my sides, arms, and stomach. The pain isn’t all that bad, actually. It just feels like a pinch, an uncomfortable continuous pinch. He then pins one on each of my nipples.

  “Oh my god,” I screech.

  “Relax, Carissa,” he orders. “You’re doing great.”

  The bed dips as his body gets closer to mine. I feel his lips against my flushed skin. He places kisses up and down my stomach, careful to not touch the pins.

  “The pins give you pain, but will bring you pleasure when they are released—when the blood flow returns to the numbed area. Every time you confess something or obey, I’ll remove one,” he states. “Every time you move or disobey, I’ll add one.”

  I lay there, unable to move, unable to fathom what he’s doing. I know he’s trying to help me, but I don’t understand how this will help me past my issues.

  “Do you trust me?” he asks softly.

  “Yes, I trust you.” Because I actually do, even if I don’t understand this.

  “Good.” I feel his body over mine, his breath tickles my face. “Now tell me why you hate your father.”

  Great…start with a deep one.

  “Because he’s a fucking drunk,” I respond bluntly.

  “You need to be more specific,” he remarks quickly.

  I clear my throat, hating that I have to even think about my father. I gather my thoughts and respond. “Because he didn’t love me.”

  I feel him remove one pin. The feeling of it being removed is something I hadn’t anticipated. The sensation of the circulation returning to the numbed area is overwhelming.

  He rubs the pad of his thumb over the area and leans in and gives it a quick kiss.

  “Now, tell me why you hate your mother?”

  So many reasons.

  “Because she’s a junkie who never paid any attention to me,” I respond.

  Another pin release
s and he does the same—rubs over the spot and lays a tender kiss over it.

  He gives me a few moments to adjust before speaking again. “What did they do to you?”

  I clear my throat, hating the fact that talking about them is making me tear up. “They ignored me. They let me down on a daily basis. They disappointed me my entire life,” I confess, surprised how fast it rolls off my tongue.

  Two more pins release. My body is tingling. The pins are numbing my flesh until he releases them, and the feeling of the blood returning is the pleasure he was telling me about. It’s intense and makes my entire body feel like it’s on fire.

  “What do you want from them now?”

  “Nothing. I don’t want a damn thing from them.”

  A pin pinches the inside of my arm.

  “Tell me what you want from them,” he says in a try again tone.

  “I want them to admit they fucked up,” I say louder this time. It feels great to get that off my chest after all this time. “I want them to know how much I hate them.” It’s the truth. I want to shove it in their fucking faces how much I hate them, how much they screwed up, and how much better off I am without them in my life.

  I feel my body heat as I think about them. My heart races with anger and resentment.

  “Can you forgive them, Carissa?” He pauses briefly. “Can you forgive their mistakes? Let go, so you can move forward?”

  “No,” I reply sternly. I shouldn’t have to forgive them. They’re the ones who screwed up. They screwed me up.

  Another pin clamps on to my breast.

  “Can you forgive yourself?” His voice is deep, edgy almost.

  “No,” I say honestly. “I’ve done some horrible things in my life,” I admit. “And although my parents were awful, I can’t blame them entirely for my mishaps.”

  Another pin stings my skin.

  “Tell me why. Why can’t you forgive them or yourself?”

  “They don’t deserve my forgiveness.”

  His hands rub over my legs, leaving goose bumps in his wake. His fingers massage my head, making my head automatically arch back as I divulge in the pleasure he brings me.