FLAME (Spark Series) Page 19

  “Don’t move. No matter what. You understand?”

  I nod, making sure my body stills.

  “Focus on feeling, Doll. Don’t flinch.”

  I do as he says and wait for his next move. A few moments pass before I feel something pouring on me. My first instinct is to scream out in pain because the shit is hot and it’s burning my skin, but before I can make a sound, it begins to cool down.

  “Oh…god…” I wail out, the mixture of hot and cold is incredible. I want to clench my thighs because I can feel how wet it’s making me.

  “It’s wax,” he confirms. “Don’t worry.”

  He continues pouring the wax on my skin, making a line in between my breasts where it’s still chilled from the ice. It’s not as hot as one would think. I open my eyes slightly and see that he’s pouring it from pretty high up, making the wax cool down a bit before it even touches my skin.

  My skin feels cold and numb from the ice, but as soon as the wax hits me, it’s another sensation all on its own, one I’ve never felt before. It strikes me suddenly, making my body both tingle and shiver from his touch.

  “Oh my god…” I breathe out. I leave my eyes open so I can watch him. I can tell he’s enjoying it just as much as I am.

  He switches back to the ice cubes, holding one in each hand. He starts at my wrists, slowly moving down my arms and neck. A chill runs through me, shivering as I lay on the bed being rubbed down with ice cubes.

  That sounds insane, right? It’s not just my imagination that this is crazy?

  But I roll with it. Drew has never let me down in the bedroom since our very first time. In fact, his knowledge and skill turns me on. I love a man who knows exactly what he’s doing, but he is much farther advanced. He’s let me be in control, knowing it’s what I needed at the time, but now, he takes over, making sure I’m fully taken care of.

  “Does that feel good?” he asks, continuing his torturous play.

  “More than I ever thought possible,” I murmur, soaking up the feeling.

  “The ice and wax are somatosensory—making your body very sensitive in responding to the combination of hot and cold temperatures. You feel the sensations, allowing your body to have a sexual response instead of pain. The combination gives pleasure instead,” he explains.

  “I-it’s…amazing,” I stammer. I feel the wax pour on me again, and I’m ready to explode, but I breathe through it, knowing I haven’t been given permission yet.

  He repeats his process a few times over, making sure to kiss my chest and stomach in between each cycle of hot and cold. My body fills with torturous goose bumps, but his warm hands caress my skin. I can’t help the anticipation of him inside me, I’m greedy with desire for him.

  He lets the wax drip down my stomach. This time I open my eyes and watch him. It’s sensual and personal. His eyes lock on mine, and I know for certain—I love this man. I love him so incredibly much. I’ve allowed him in—allowed him to take a sledgehammer and break down my walls. It wasn’t easy. It took months, but he did it. He’s made me into one of those lust-filled girly girls who goes all mushy hearted on a guy. And for once…I don’t even care that I am. I love that I’ve found the one who’s changed me. For the better.

  The wax doesn’t burn anymore. It cools right away. He rubs his hands over me, soothing and caressing me. It’s so much more than sex with him. It’s emotional. It’s heartbreaking. It’s something I never want to let go of.

  He notices my lust-filled eyes and smiles at me. I feel him hard against me, and it only takes a moment for him to realize what I’m thinking.

  He grabs the towel from earlier and cleans me up. His mouth finds mine, kissing me softly. It’s sensual and sweet, unlike our usual eager-filled kisses. I enjoy the slow torturous kissing, but I’m begging to touch him.

  “Did you like that?” he asks, breaking the kiss. “The heat and ice play?”

  I lick my lips, missing the touch of his instantly. “Yes…it was different, but so, so good.”

  He smiles down at me, brushing a hand through my hair. “I want to make love to you until I have to leave Sunday.”

  I giggle softly. “That’ll make for an interesting graduation ceremony.”

  “Ah, fuck the ceremony. I can’t leave this bed.”

  “Yes, you will. You’re going to your graduation whether I have to drag you there in handcuffs or not,” I scold.

  “Handcuffs?”

  I laugh at his eager puppy face. “Shut up and make love to me now,” I command.

  And he does.

  The whole night is amazing. I watch as he strips down to nothing, giving my heart that pathetic skip-a-beat nonsense. I memorize his body as my eyes linger over his muscular flesh. It’s going to be heartbreaking not to be able to admire him every day.

  21

  “You seriously look good in just about anything, don’t you?” I look at him in his suit and tie. He looks so sharp—his hair is slicked with a little gel, his face is clean shaven, his suit is perfectly pressed.

  “I could get used to wearing a suit and tie,” he teases, winking at me.

  “So….could…I.” I bite my lip, not hiding the fact that I’m staring at him, undressing him with my eyes.

  “No ideas…” He points a finger at me. “You’ll have to wait until after the ceremony to maul me. My mother will kill me if I don’t look nice for the picture.”

  “Well, here, let me help.” I grab my iPhone and begin taking pictures of him. “Perfectly pressed suit with a perfectly groomed graduate.” I toss my phone aside and walk over to him. “Now can I maul you?”

  He laughs, grabbing my hips so they align with his. He pulls me toward him, letting me feel his hard cock through his slacks.

  “Seriously? Do you get off on torture or something? Are you going to turn into an axe murderer who has sex with his prey before chopping their heads off and killing them?” I lean back, giving him my best concerned look.

  “I get off on a lot of things…” he whispers deeply, leaning his face in closer to mine. “But you’re the only one who gets the pleasure of knowing all my dirty, kinky secrets.”

  I lean into him, letting our lips brush. “Good. I don’t want to be one of those insecure girls who asks you if it’s going to stay that way. So without really asking, I’m just going to tell you—you’re the only guy I plan to be with after you leave. I don’t plan or want to be with anyone else.” I’m shaking as I confess my insecurities to him. I know we’ve made plans for my visit, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re attached at the hip. I understand things happen, heated things in the moment that make you do stupid things.

  He brings our lips together, softly kissing me before leaning back once again. He smiles and brushes my hair back off my face, leaving his hands planted on my cheeks before responding. “As long as you’re mine and I’m yours, there will never be another girl. There never was since the moment I met you. I can’t even think about not being with you, Doll. You’re all I think about, even when we’re together. You’re all I can dream about. You’re all I fight for when I think how much this fucking sucks. I want to be strong for you. Because I know you need it more than I do. We can get through this. We will get through this.”

  His words…his everything…I can barely hold myself together, and then he continues once more.

  “I love you, Carissa. I may not know the exact moment I knew, or the timing of when I felt more for you than just lust, but I do know this… When I think about my life back in London, I feel sick. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to know what it’s going to be like waking up and you’re not there. I don’t want to know because it makes me sick just thinking about you not being within arms’ reach. But I love you. And I will do everything possible to make sure we’re together again. Whether we take turns flying back and forth, or I finally get the courage to drop to one knee and make you mine forever. Either way, this relationship is far from over. I’ll fight for you with every inch of my being to prove t
hat to you. I’ll never give up on you.”

  I’m in full blown tears by the time he finishes. His fingers swipe over my cheeks as I continue staring up at him. I don’t understand. I can’t understand how I found him. How he did this to me. How he can stand here and tell me the most amazing things a girl could ever want to hear, and yet I’m here crying like a fool because I’m so mad. I’m so mad he’s leaving. I’m so mad I let myself fall for him. I’m so mad that my heart is breaking more and more with every word he says.

  “Carissa, say something.”

  I can’t blink. I can’t look away. I can’t move.

  I breathe out finally. “Don’t leave.”

  His head bows down. I let the tears continue their departure, not even caring that it’s messing up the make-up I just perfected. It’s as if the realization has finally hit me. He’s leaving. He’s really leaving.

  “Trust me when I say that I don’t want to leave.”

  I finally look up, embarrassed that the tears have covered my entire face and his hand. I’ve never let myself cross this line before. I’ve always held back, not wanting to show defeat. But I’m not strong enough to hold it in anymore.

  “I can’t,” I whisper. “I can’t watch you walk away.”

  He cleans my face with his fingertips, brushing away all the tears. “Then come with me,” he whispers with a growl. He tilts my face up, looking right through me.

  “Pack up my entire life and just follow you to London?”

  “Yes…exactly. Come home with me.”

  I think for a moment of all the reasons I should say no. I have nothing left for me here, except Velaney. I love Velaney and am happy she got the life she deserves, but perhaps…this is now my chance?

  I swallow and whisper, “Okay.”

  He jerks back. “Yes?”

  I nod frantically. “Yes.”

  He falls to his knees and engulfs me in a hug, his head resting on my chest. I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on top of his. I can’t believe he just asked me to follow him to London. Am I really doing this? Can I do this?

  “You sure don’t give a girl much notice,” I tease, needing to break the moment. “How am I going pack and get a passport in less than two days?”

  He stands back up and looks at me with the biggest grin on his face. “I’ll come back for you. I have to go home and see my mother and make sure all my boxes arrive. But then I’ll fly back, and we can fly home together.”

  “I feel like a blubbering mess with all this damn crying you’re making me do.”

  “It’s about time,” he quips. “I was starting to get worried that you were unable to cry.”

  I slap him playfully across the chest. “I just prefer not to cry, that’s all. It’s hard,” I confess. “I’m not good at being emotional.”

  He wraps a piece of hair back behind my ear. I wouldn’t be surprised if I look like hell right now, make-up and hair completely messed up.

  “I’ve noticed. But that’s okay.”

  He cups my face and kisses me. It’s deep and desperate, needy and eager. I don’t want to forget this moment, ever.

  It’s amazing how one person can change you. How one person can help you evolve into someone you were always meant to be. How that one person can make you forget about everything bad that’s ever happened.

  “I’ll need to do some things before I leave. I need to pack, get a passport, sublet my apartment,” I ramble on, counting the endless things that’ll need to be taken care of beforehand. “I need to either see Velaney first or fly back to see her. She’s due to have the baby before the end of the summer.”

  He looks at me sincerely, and I can tell how happy he truly is. “We don’t need to rush it, Doll. Take care of everything you need to first. London isn’t going anywhere.”

  I smile and breathe out in relief. I can do this. I am doing this.

  “I love you,” I say easily. “I never knew it was possible to love one person so much.”

  22

  His graduation ceremony was amazing. I felt so proud as I watched him walk on stage. His classmates cheered for him as he held up his diploma in victory. I took pictures from the crowd, hoping it could be a bonding moment for me and his mother. I’m so nervous to meet his family because I so desperately want their approval.

  I don’t want to be that girl who follows their boyfriend halfway around the world and becomes this needy, dependent person. I want his mother to see me for who I really am—independent and genuine.

  That evening after his ceremony, I escort him to a frat party where all his classmates are celebrating. It’s surreal to watch as he says goodbye to the guys he’s lived with for the past four years. But it’s also sweet. He really experienced a lot living here. His friends are genuine and tell him how amazing he is and how much they’ll miss him. I can tell they don’t want to get too sentimental, guys not wanting to come off as emotional, but I can tell. They’re going to miss him.

  This morning sucks because I know he leaves out tonight for a long flight. He has one layover in Ireland, so I won’t be able to talk to him for hours until he lands there.

  The moving crew that’s shipping his boxes home arrives by mid-morning. He’s left with one carry-on; one piece of his life here in America.

  “This is sad,” I say, snuggling into his chest. “I’m going to miss your things lurking around here.”

  “Don’t be sad for too long, Doll. Soon enough, you’ll be surrounded by all my manly belongings,” he jokes, poking me.

  “Stop it! I hate being tickled!” I scream as I run down the hall, so he can’t grab me.

  I run into the bedroom and shut the door, but I know it’s not going to last. He barges through like a damn caveman and scoops me up. He flips us onto the bed and begins swarming me with kisses.

  I laugh at his eager playfulness. He’s like a damn bear mating, venturing out for his prey. But I don’t care. I love this side of him. I love that he brings this side out in me.

  “Ahh…your damn face! You need to shave!” I giggle in his body trap. He shaved a couple days ago, but his facial hair grows at warp speed.

  “Sorry, Doll. It’s staying. I need something to keep me warm at night while I’m gone.”

  “Stop it. Stop saying things like that.” I give him my best pouty face, puckering my lower lip out.

  He dives in and nibbles on it. “It won’t be long, I promise. We’ll be together again in no time.”

  He kisses me again so I can’t respond. What started out as playful and fun soon turns into seductive and sweet. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and rips it off me. Soon my jeans and panties join on the floor next to it. We stay silent as I take my turn in undressing him. It’s hard to keep my hands and body off him; I just want him all the time.

  We make love—slow and trembling love. I dig my nails into his back like I’m marking him, he sucks above my collarbone, leaving his own mark. It’s the sweetest and most depressing moment of my life. But it’s amazing. I’m still sad he’s leaving today, but knowing we’re making this next step in our lives together keeps me giddy and happy.

  * * *

  Breathe. Just breathe.

  Waiting at the airport for his flight to leave is like waiting for a bomb to go off. I’m edgy and nervous, even though I know it’s coming.

  “So, you’ll call me from Ireland, right? Let me know you made it there, okay?” I ask, even though we’ve been over it before.

  “Yes, I’ll call you as soon as I can. It’s going to be late, though.”

  “I don’t care. I won’t be able to sleep until you call me.”

  “Alright.” He looks at me and smiles. “Then I’ll call you.”

  I nod, keeping the tears locked in.

  I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry.

  “It’s okay to be sad, Doll. I’m sad, too. But I know I’ll see you soon.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it.

  His flight is called shortly after. We stand up, and I let his stro
ng arms capture me. He holds me for a moment, before the announcer calls his flight once again.

  I lean back, letting his arms release me. “I love you. I guess this is where we say—”

  “Don’t say goodbye, Doll,” he cuts me off. “Because this isn’t goodbye. It’s until next time. A see you soon. But not goodbye. Never goodbye.”

  I nod, agreeing with him. I give him one more hug and lose myself in one more kiss before finally letting him go. It’s painful and bittersweet. I know it’s not the end, but this…fucking sucks.

  “I left something for you. You’ll find it in your room under your pillow. I wanted you to have something to hold you over until next time,” he says sweetly.

  “It’s not a blindfold, is it? A bag of butt plugs or some anal beads?”

  Apparently, I’m speaking too loud as the old couple next to me turns and sneers at me.

  We both laugh quietly after they walk away.

  “Oops.” I giggle nervously.

  The last call for his flight is announced over the speaker, and I know this is it—he’s leaving.

  “I’ll call you as soon as I land. Promise.”

  I nod, holding back the tears that are threatening to flow over. “I love you.” He tilts my chin up so we’re eye to eye. “This is only temporary.”

  “I know. I just miss you already.”

  He kisses me, deep and passionate. It feels like home. He’s home for me. I’ve never felt more comfortable than when I’m with him. And now I have to watch him leave…

  “I love you,” I call out as he lets go and begins walking to the ticket booth. I smile as he blows a kiss my direction. I continue staring until he’s no longer in sight.

  I stand in the middle of the waiting area feeling empty. This is so much harder than I anticipated. And ridiculous. I’ll be seeing him again soon…very soon.

  I try my best not to cry on the drive home, but the moment Wrecking Ball comes on the radio, I’m screwed. It brings back all the memories of him earlier when we weren’t speaking and how miserable I was then.

  Fuck.

  I hadn’t a clue then. This is real pain. Real heartbreak.